


Supervillainstuck

by novembermond



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, M/M, Supervillains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2012-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novembermond/pseuds/novembermond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>After overdosing on Universe B, I suddenly remembered how Dave claimed to be <a href="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=003300">"training to be a lame gothy supervillain"</a> and this happened.<br/>Superhero AU, written for my <a href="http://novembermond.dreamwidth.org/43903.html#cutid1">AU bingo</a> square Superheroes/Superpowers</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After overdosing on Universe B, I suddenly remembered how Dave claimed to be ["training to be a lame gothy supervillain"](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=003300) and this happened.  
> Superhero AU, written for my [AU bingo](http://novembermond.dreamwidth.org/43903.html#cutid1) square Superheroes/Superpowers

Your name is Dave Strider, you are seventeen years old and attending local high school. You are completely boring and unremarkable. During the day.

Okay, no, there’s no way you would ever be boring or unremarkable, you’re just way too cool and also ironic. But still… where were you going with your line of thought? Ah, yes. You are more or less normal at daytime.

Not so much at night. Because at night you’re being busy being an incredibly cool and also ironically shitty superhero. No, really. You got superpowers and a snazzy red cape. You got a hood and your shades on to disguise your face, for proper mystery aura. Except you are wearing those shades during daytime as well, but you wouldn’t be a properly shitty superhero without a paper thin disguise, now, would you. The same kids at your school that are fan club members of your superhero persona – yep, got a fanclub and it is almost ironic enough in its silliness – cut your normal persona for being an unpopular “lameass”. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

Well, there is one way you might have had it…

= = > Dave: flashback

You are now thirteen year old Dave Strider. Today is the day. Today you are going to step into the footsteps of your Bro. You planned carefully, you trained for months. Today is the day you will step onto the scene as the next big supervillain. You are going to steal the Spirograph, a famous diamond of unusual cut, and you are going to do it right under everyone’s noses at the grand opening of the exhibition. You’re going to make national news and your Bro is going to see you. He will see that all the ninja training paid off and maybe he’ll be the tiniest bit proud of you. At that thought you pat the red costume you are wearing underneath your normal clothes. You got the cape rolled up in your bag, because a shitty supervillain needs a proper cape.

You wait for the right moment to set your plan in motion. Nothing is as important as the right moment, and nobody is as good at playing time as you are. And then, one god forsaken nanosecond before you were about to make your move, someone else makes a go at the Spirograph. For half a nanosecond you consider going back in time to stop him, but you’re not quite fast enough in deciding to do it and then it’s too late and stopping that asshole before he makes a grab for the Spirograph would create a splintered timeline and doomed Dave. And doomed Daves are the enemy even more so than assholes interrupting your wonderful plans. Anyway, so you can’t stop him from grabbing that diamond right from display, however you are on him like lightning and beat the shit out of him. It is not too late to steal the loot from the thief, now, is it? Not for you. Being the master of time and all, you manage to put on your costume before attacking, just like you were going to if you’d have stolen the diamond on your own. And only when you take hold of this guy you manage to get a good look at him.

His main feature is a wide grin, complete with buckteeth. His hair is golden and his clothes are just outrageously pastel. You freeze in disgust for only a split second and it’s enough for him to – squirt water out of a flower on his lapel right into your face? Is this guy for real? You forget your coolkid act and breathe out: “Who ARE you?” before you remember your purpose and pluck the Spirograph out of his hand.

“I am the Trickster!” He makes a move to get the Spirograph back, but a Future Dave holds him up from behind. You kick the Trickster asshole for good measure before going back in time to hold him so your past self can kick him. And then security finally got through the traps and distractions both you and the other guy have set up and the Trickster gives up on trying to get the diamond back from you. He runs, leaving you alone in the site of crime. The security round in on you and all you can think is of how disappointed your Bro will be. Not only did your coup go all wrong, no, they’re even going to catch you red-handed. Fuck your life. No, you can still escape; there is enough time, at least when you’re you, which you obviously are. You ready yourself, when suddenly you hear a weird sound.

Looking for the source you find people clapping. Even the security guards join in and you are horribly confused. Aren’t they going to bring you down for attempting to steal the diamond? Someone slides into the space next to you, holding a microphone and talking at a camera guy. “And this is the new superhero of Sburbopolis, who we just witnessed saving the priceless diamond called the Spirograph! What’s your name?”

You blink up at the reporter, glad for your shades hiding most of your confusion. Finally your mouth kicks back into gear. “Clockstopper,” you mumble. Well, at least you didn’t give your real name. Still, what the hell.

“You heard it. Villains, watch out, Clockstopper is here to stop your evil scheming.”

Just. What.

Later on you will barely remember the following hours. You feel like watching someone else from the backseat, as your body gives the diamond back to the owners and allows them to make photos with you.

Later on you will get home, exhausted and confused, to find your Bro watching the news. Well, you made the news just as planned, except, not as planned at all. Not one muscle moves in the face of your Bro, and he’s going to give you the silent treatment for a week.

And this is how Dave Strider, younger brother of nefarious Doctor Dirk Strider, villain extraordinaire, became the hero Clockstopper completely on accident.


	2. Supervillainstuck 2

==> years later, but not many

So that was that. You thought about dropping the name and the costume and starting from scratch, but since you claimed to your Bro you were doing it out of irony, you couldn’t. And after a while, heroing got to you. Stopping baddies gives you the warm fuzzies, especially if you manage to save cute girls or boys at the same time. People give you cookies, want pictures taken with you. Dave Strider was always weird and unpopular, but people love Clockstopper and you bathe in their attentions. Luckily, Bro hasn’t thrown you out of the house and he hasn’t taken the credit card from you either. Being a superhero is way harder without money for the right gadgets and gimmicks. The unspoken rule is that you stay out of his business and he doesn’t cut down on yours. You are well aware he could wipe you out in a heartbeat if he so wished. No amount of time powers could help you if you ever really got onto your Bro’s bad side.

Putting your hands into your pockets you saunter into the living room. Most of the room is taken up by giant screens. One is displaying a news channel while the others are showing different angles of a robot fighting a black haired guy with square glasses. You recognize him as your Bro’s arch nemesis, the Green Skull.

“More robots?” you ask flatly.

“I should have known you weren’t cut out to be a villain when you didn’t take to robot armies.” Bro’s eyes are fixed on the screens, studying every movement of his robot and Green Skull. “Is there something you want?” He asks before you can come up with a remark that is sufficiently sarcastic.

“I just haven’t heard anything from the Trickster in a while…”

“Why, are you missing the beatings he gives you? Want me to help you with that?” Now he does look at you and there is almost a smirk tugging on the corners of his lips. “I can rough you up anytime, all you need to do is ask.”

You give him your best unimpressed stare. He turns back to the screens. Green Skull is currently trying to unscrew the robot’s head without any success.

“I told you he’s not one of my henchmen. In fact, I have no clue who he is.”

“Well I hope he’s gone for good.” You mumble. Not only had the trickster ruined your chosen career path, but he had been a thorn in your side when it came to heroing as well. His jokes had been horrible, he had a lollipop in his hair that always got stuck in your cape, and while you were the faster one, he was stronger and had some kind of control over the very air itself. Yep, if you never see the guy again, you’re so not going to miss him at all. Not one bit.

Uh-huh.

= = > be the Trickster

You cannot choose to be the Trickster, because the Trickster isn’t a playable character. You can however choose to be John Egbert. Be John Egbert?

= = > You don’t know or care who this John Egbert guy is. Be Green Skull.

You are now Green Skull. You’ve been fighting for hours with a killer robot sent to you by your arch nemesis. You ran out of ammo by now and will run out of strength soon if you don’t manage to disable the robot in the next couple minutes. If you weren’t busy fighting you might be telling the reader about how you are a famous adventurer who solved many a mystery, how your name is Jake English and that you’re the son of a baron travelling the world exploring ruins and toppling sacred urns. However, you are really far too busy not letting the killer machine get the upper hand in your tussle. You should probably be someone else in the meantime.


	3. more supervillainstuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't always type out quirks, no worry.

 

= = > be the arch nemesis

You are now John Egbert.  
Huh, really? Like, the guy you didn’t know or care for earlier? Why would you be the nemesis? Whose nemesis would you be, anyway? You are a generally well liked young man, and nobody ever holds grudges because of the totally hilarious pranks you like to play…

“JOHN EGBERT, YOU NOOKSNIFFING EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING!”

…except for…

You can barely contain the giggles as Karkat Vantas stalks into your direction, drenched in water and a bucket perched on top of his head. You can’t help it. He’s riled up way too easily. You give up on stifling your laughter and double over. Karkat reddens.

“THIS IS NOT FUNNY!”

You gasp for breath. You should stop before he gives you the cultural sensitivity speech again. Karkat forcefully shoves the bucket into your hands. “IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND KILL SERKET BEFORE SHE TEACHES YOU ABOUT TROLL SEX I WOULD!”

“Aw, now you’re being unfair. I’ve been doing that classical prank way before she told me. It’s just even funnier now.”

“I HATE YOU WITH THE FORCE OF A THOUSAND GREEN SUNS, EGBERT!”

“I’m flattered you want a candle-light hate dinner with me, I really am, but as I told you before, I am not…”

“Shut up!” Karkat hisses. “I don’t need to hear about your disgusting and kinky sexual preferences.” With that he storms off.

Well, that probably gave the wrong impression right now, but you and Karkat are really good buddies. Kind of. He used to have a hate crush on you back in your first year of high school, but he got over it. You still like to tease him about it from time to time, though. It’s what bros do, no? Anyway, you’re sure saying you are Karkat’s arch nemesis is exaggeration. Oh, snap, you’re being late for football practice.


	4. more supervillainstuck

= = > be someone else’s arch nemesis

You are now Dirk Strider. You’re probably the arch nemesis or several someone elses, what with your little empire of crime you built on nothing but your wit and ruthlessness.  
You are currently watching a certain Jake English wrestle with a bot you’d built specifically for him. As always when this is the case, which is very often lately, you are pretty turned on. You can’t wait to get your hands on this guy, it’s going to be delicious.

= = > enough with the English guy already, talk about Dave!

Pushy, aren’t you? Dirk is too busy having a boner, you should really be the other Dirk instead.

= = > be… the other Dirk?

You are now the other Dirk. While your other body is busy being turned on by looking at a certain dashing gentleman, you are busy getting actual shit done. Such is the upside of having two bodies at once, you are never not working. The downside is that the experiment that gave you two bodies also ruined your sleep forever. Your two brains make you more than a genius, but they also never shut down. Ever. It took its toll on your mind after a while, but that comes with being a mad scientist, you guess. You vaguely remember being only one being in one body, having not even one AI of yourself. It’s a very blurry memory, from before you had Dave. You were normal once, a young man in his second year of college. You never had parents, but your skills got you scholarships and into the best universities. And then there was this baby, and you knew you were going to raise him, knew it better than anything else in your life, even including math.

It’s hard being a single parent, it’s hard and nobody understands. You don’t get scholarships for failing to show up on exams because you didn’t find anybody to look after your kid. You had to go looking for jobs to keep you and the kid fed, but you didn’t have the money to pay for a nanny. So you never kept any job for long. Eventually, you got to the point where you didn’t even eat or spend any money on yourself in favor of keeping rent paid, so you wouldn’t be a homeless person with a baby in your arm. You kept Dave as well as you could, but you knew you weren’t enough. And then you opened the one laptop you had left and did some hacking. You figured the bank had so much and you had nothing and Dave really needed it.

The next time around you took a little more. The third time you took even more, always making sure to take from different places. And suddenly you had enough money to get into serious business: you started building robots to do the deeds for you. You got known and threatened by crime lords. You overtook the crime lords. You kept investing in yourself, creating virtual copies of yourself. And finally you did the experiment that made you into two Dirks. You finished your education; you took on well paying prestigious research jobs, all the while running your little empire of crime on the side. And, well, raising Dave. You made sure he was never lacking for anything. You made sure he could hold himself in a fight. You always stole him back when he was abducted by your enemies.

You’re just not sure if you were ever any good at raising him, or why you felt the need to do all those things just so you could keep Dave. You guess you simply didn’t want him to have to grow up in an orphanage like you. And now here you are, still running your crime business that somehow became a supervillain business when you weren’t looking, doing some mad research, failing at being a proper big bro, and having the hots for one dashing adventurer named Jake English. Your life in a nutshell.

You finish putting the particular robot you were working on together and sigh. It’s hard being a mad genius supervillain with splintered selves in a great mansion with a robot army. It’s hard and nobody understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that was all I ever wrote, sorry 2 say. hope you enjoyed anyway.


End file.
